Jason's Groomsmen Questions and Answers
- What?
- It's a wedding.
- Really?
- Yup. Freaky, ain't it?
- Who?
- You. I mean, you're reading this right?
- No, I mean who are the groomsmen.
- Ohh... Sorry. Too much tequila. The groomsmen will be: Jerry Lempka (my oldest brother), Tim Lempka (my middle brother), Ryan Weller (a friend from High School), JR Crunkleton (my college roommate, as well as a friend from High School), and Rob Redwinski (another friend from High School).
- When?
- Saturday, September 8, 2001, sometime around early afternoon (between 12pm and 2pm).
- Why?
- Well, we want to get married on the beach. We also want this to be special. We've been living together for almost 4 years now. At the same time, we're building our first house together. We think that we will be done with the house in time for the wedding. That's our plan. We want to be done with the house by the time we get married, because we want to spend our first night in the house together, married. So, it will take all summer to build the house. Since we're getting married on the beach, we want it to be warm (we're not that cruel -- well, I am, but Katey talked me out of it).
- What if you're not done by then?
- It's high time you realized an important life lesson from your ol' Uncle Lar: "Get used to disappointment." Life's a bummer. So, we throw our air mattress in our tent in our (unfinished) master bedroom. It'll still be fun!
- Cool, a wedding on the beach, huh? What's that mean to me?
- It means you're a lucky bastard, is what it means. You WILL NOT have to worry about a tuxedo. You won't even have to dress up. Neither does your family (if you have or bring a family). We're talking ultra -casual.
- Nu-uhhh!
- Uh huh!
- Wait, I'm not going naked, am I?
- Hey, I just ate lunch here . . . No, you're not going naked. We can't handle that much body hair at once. Instead, you'll be wearing Hawaiian Shirts and Chinos (as shorts, if you wish, I will be). Shoes are optional.
- Dude, Hawaiian shirts? Like, what Magnum wore?
- Hey, I knew watching as much TeeVee as possible
as a youngester would leave an impression on me. But, yes, kind of like what
Magnum wore. In fact, take a look:
I didn't want everyone looking like twins up there, but Katey reasoned (and quite well, I must admit) that since the bridesmaids will be wearing the same thing, the groomsmen should be wearing the same thing.
- The total package is $21.00. Hey, you pays your money, you takes your chance.
- What?!? Why you little ...
- Calm down. Just think, I'm broadening your horizons (better than broadening your belly, but not quite as much fun as bellying up to your broad!). After this, you'll get to wear the shirt as much as you want (but not more, let's not fly off the handle with this fun thing).
- Ok, cool. If the wedding's on the beach, what about the reception?
- hehe. You'll love this. The reception is going to be in our NEW backyard (and side yard). If it's not raining, that is. After a wedding on the beach, what could be more perfect than a backyard BARBEQUE!!
- Oh, My God. Why did I get married in a church, again?
- Cuz you're just not as cool as we are.
- Will there be beer?
- By God almighty, yes. We're planning on having a few kegs there. We're also thinking about some of Katey's world famous sangria (fruit flavored wine). We'll also be having regular food. Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, Chicken (maybe I'll whip out some Jerk Chicken as well), chips, potato salad, Terry Springle's world-famous Slaw . . . I'm sure there'll be some type of crab dip or seafood or something there as well. Mostly artery-hardening heart-clogging, good old fashioned grease-pit smoke charred food ... god .. I'm hungy... what time is it? ... is anyone even around? ... s-l-o-w-l-y going c-r-a-z-y ... I was c-r-a-z-y once . . .
- What about music?
- We've got music taken care of. Homemade, custom burned CD's, chock full of our (mine and Katey's) (and some of your's) favorite music. You'll be movin, you'll be groovin, you'll be havin' a good time, watching the Market Recap drinking an import. Don't worry. In fact, feel free to suggest a song or two. We'll put most anything on the list.
- You are my god!
- Well, thanks. Gosh, I mean ... really ...
- So, what does that mean for me?
- Right this second, not much. Forewarned is forearmed, I always say, and I know what your forearms look like.
- You'll need to take the day of Friday, Sept. 7th, 2001 off from work. We'll, in all likelihood, have a rehersal and what not on Friday. For those of you that work on Saturdays, you'll need to take off Saturday, Sept. 8th, 2001, as well. Depending on your schedule and your job, you might need to take Sunday, Sept. 9th 2001 off as well (I'm thinking for travelling, cuz you ain't stayin' on our dime no longer than til Sunday, Sept. 9th).
- Time off from work, what are you talking about?
- Oh, didn't I tell you? The ceremony is going to take place somewhere along Assateague or Chincoteague Island. Yes, that's the Eastern Shore, no it's not Ocean City. We're talking down Pocomoke City way. In fact, we're not even sure where it will be, only that it will be on a beach.
- Eastern Shore? Where am I going to stay?
- That's to be determined. There are motels in Chincoteague, VA, which is about 7 miles away from our house-to-be, as well as motels in Pocomoke City, once again, about 7 miles away from our house-to-be. Or, the neighborhood we're building in is mostly retirement/summer home type of neighborhood. We may rent a couple of the houses (for the week or weekend) and lodge people right there in our neighborhood. That would be great, no need to drive after the reception, if you get my (slidin' into a corn field) drift.
- Hey, you're pretty smart, ain't'cha?
- Well, Katey and I have been talking about this for about two years now (well, she's been fantasizing for the past two years. I've been secretly planning and storing that knowledge for when I take over the planet ... err .. pop the question). We've known pretty much what we want, now it's a matter of nailing it down to specifics.
- Specifics, huh? Who's the best man then?
- Hey, don't thrust your inadequacies on me. If you can't handle the fact that there's no best man, then you're just gonna have to schedule some time with a therapist.
- No best man?!? Wha hell?
- That's right, no best man. We'll line up by age. Therefore, the oldest will hold the ring. That's looking like it will be my brother Jerry. He always knew being close to 40 was going to be an advantage. Maybe we should ask him to dye his goatee so he looks distinguished next to all the young whipper-snappers.
- Weird, so what you're telling me is .... Party!! Party!! Party!! Toga!! Toga!! Toga!!
- Wow, you catch on, slick. We don't want people thinking "Oh man, we gotta go to another wedding this weekend. *sigh*" We want people in 10 years to think "Geez, you remember what a blast Katey and Jason's wedding was?" We're subversive that way. We like to take the longview. Chairman Mao says that "revolutionaries should live like fishes in the water" Given that he's a) Chinese and b) Communist, I guess we can forgive him for not understanding the plural of fish. Or maybe not, he is a commie . . .